


We're Supposed to Support Each Other

by Bi_lithiumcrystals



Category: RWBY
Genre: (she punches her legs), Angst, F/F, minor self-harm, set early volume 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:02:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21942592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bi_lithiumcrystals/pseuds/Bi_lithiumcrystals
Summary: Ruby talks to Yang about her having had a crush on Penny and not knowing how to cope with having grieved her when now she’s suddenly fine
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long, Penny Polendina/Ruby Rose, Ruby Rose & Yang Xiao Long
Comments: 13
Kudos: 175





	We're Supposed to Support Each Other

Weiss shot Ruby an exasperated look as they waited at the ramp of the airship. The Ace Ops had decided that today's mission required Weiss and Blake's skills, and Yang and Ruby were supposed to stay behind in Atlas. But she and Yang had decided to see the others off, which Ruby should have realized would result in their current situation, where even though they had been there saying goodbye for six full minutes, Blake and Yang were still saying goodbye to each other. She gave a half smile and shrugged at Weiss, hoping to communicate "at least they're happy." Weiss shook her head, but Ruby spotted a small smile. As much as she was happy for Blake and Yang though, she did wish they would actually talk to each other about their feelings soon instead of doing whatever this was.

Finally, the Ace Ops walked into the hangar.

"Alright! Everyone good to go?" Clover called.

Weiss nodded firmly at him and then looked back and Ruby and Yang. "Goodbye."

Yang squeezed Blake's shoulder. "Good luck out there."

Blake blushed lightly and tucked her hair behind her ear. She looked like she was about to say something before Weiss interrupted. "Thank you. Looks like we're ready to go though," she grabbed Blake by the elbow and started pulling her onto the ship as the Ace Ops boarded it.

Ruby shot her hand up in a goodbye wave. "Have fun!"

Blake finally looked away from Yang and nodded at her. "You two have fun too," she said quietly as the airship door began to close, shooting one last glance towards Yang.

Ruby and Yang turned to leave as the ship began to lift up to exit the hangar. They didn't have anything to do on their schedule for a few hours, so they headed back to their dorm.

"So…" Ruby started, aiming for casual and swinging her arms as they walked through the halls. She knew she wanted to talk to Yang but didn't know how to start. She tried for common ground. "You and Blake have been spending a lot of time together."

Yang raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah. We work together," her voice was defensive.

Ruby wasn't entirely sure why Yang seemed upset, but decided it was best to drop it for now. They finished the walk back to their dorm in silence.

Yang jumped up to sit on her bed and pulled out her scroll. Ruby sat down on Weiss' bunk, not in the mood to climb up into hers and leaned against the headboard. After a few minutes, her question weighed down on her enough to try and start the conversation again. Much more sincerely this time, she called out Yang's name.

She glanced up and saw Yang lean out from her bunk. "Yeah?"

"How…" she drew her knees up as she tried to figure out again how to broach the subject. "How do you know when you like someone?" she settled on, voice hesitant.

"Aww," Yang's voice was teasingly playful as she swung down from her bunk and took a seat on the other end of Weiss' bed. "Does my baby sister have a crush?"

Ruby wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her cheek against them, looking out into the room. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling," she said morosely.

Yang seemed to recognize Ruby's somber mood and scooted closer, reaching a hand out for Ruby's shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay not to know. Feelings are hard." Ruby looked up at her as she tucked her hair behind her ear. Yang looked at Ruby for a moment but then broke eye contact before she continued.

"I mean, for me at least, I didn't realize how I felt about Blake until she left after Beacon. Looking back on it now, it was so obvious that I had a crush on her, but I didn't _know_ know that I liked her, y'know?" She shrugged and quickly glanced at Ruby, waiting for her to nod, before looking away again. "But when she left, I was _so_ angry with her. And I know I've got abandonment issues or whatever because of my mom, but I wasn't angry like that with Weiss or even with you once you left, even though you chose to leave just as much as she did. Not that I don't love you, but it was different with her.

It wasn't until a while after you left that I really realized why. And now even that I do know how much Iike her, I still don't know what to do about it or how I feel about a relationship. It's complicated. Feelings are complicated. So it's totally okay if you don't really know how you feel about whoever it is." She finally looked back at her and playfully bumped her arm against Ruby's knees.

Ruby took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to respond. There was so much emotion welling up inside her and hitting her in waves. She knew she was drowning in them, but didn't know what the emotions really were, much less how to talk about them. She tucked her chin in between her knees as she thought.

"Ruby?" Yang asked, her eyebrows raised, "You know you can talk to me, right? No matter how complicated it is."

She took another breath, deciding to just say it. "I think I had a crush on Penny at Beacon. I mean, I know I did. But _I_ didn't realize it until she was…" she took a shaky breath. She could hear her voice rising but she didn't know how to stop it. "I saw her _die,_ Yang. It hurt so unbelievably bad until I just went numb." Her lip was trembling and she could feel tears welling in her eyes. She didn't want to cry. She wanted to be strong, but she couldn't get the words out without choking on them.

"And that was just the night that it happened. When I woke up, I didn't remember right away but when I did, it was like it just happened and I hurt all over again." She hit her knees with the heel of her hands. It felt childish to start hitting herself, but she needed to do something to get all of the pain out of her head and apparently she had decided that she was going to relocate it to her body.

"That happened every morning for months. I grieved her. It hurt so much, and it still did, but I had gotten to the point where it didn't hurt as often. And then we make it here and she's fine. She's alive now. She hugged me and I see her everyday and I almost got to lean my head against her shoulder. She's alive and she's happy and we're together. So I should be happy. But I'm not." She clenched her hands into fists and hit her knees again. "Or I am. I'm so happy she's alive. But I'm also not. And I feel so bad that I'm not. It's so overwhelming and it hurts like she died again, but she's fine. I shouldn't be grieving over her being alive."

The tears were falling now. "But I can't stop feeling that way. I don't even know _what_ I'm feeling half the time, but everything I feel about it makes me feel bad for feeling that way." She had been hitting her knees again with each sentence but now she unfurled her hands and just stared at them.

"And I shouldn't even be thinking about this at all. There's so much happening and it's so much bigger than my feelings. We have to figure out if we trust Ironwood and what we're gonna do with the Relic and how we're gonna fight Salem even if we get the whole world on our side. And I'm the team leader. I should be focusing on that stuff and I should be able to be strong for you guys and just be able to do this. But instead, I'm spending half of my time thinking about a girl and half of that time wanting to cry about her. And I don't even know how she feels!" She threw her hands in the air before grabbing her hair and burying her face in her knees. "I don't know what to do."

Yang had watched her in silence while she spoke, her hand on Ruby's shin, rubbing small circles into it. But now she moved up the bed and sat with Ruby against the headboard, wrapping her arms around her in a hug. She didn't say anything for a long time, just sitting there squeezing Ruby tight.

Eventually, she spoke, her voice filled with softness and sadness. "You know you don't have to keep stuff like this from us, right? You said you have to be strong for us because you're team leader, but we're a _team_. We're supposed to support each other. That includes us supporting you. And, it doesn't matter what sort of team structure there is, I'm always gonna be your big sister and you can always talk to me."

Ruby lifted her head up and turned it, resting her cheek against her knees again, this time facing into the bed and towards Yang. She took a deep breath. "But with Ozpin gone, someone has to be able to be in charge of everything. Uncle Qrow has his own stuff going on and none of the other adults know the truth. I have to be able to keep everyone going."

Yang cocked her eyebrow at her. "Yeah, well look where trying to do everything themself and keeping stuff secret so they wouldn't 'burden anybody,'" -she put air quotes around it with her free hand- "got Ozpin. And besides, if Uncle Qrow is allowed to have his own thing going on, why aren't you?"

Ruby opened her mouth to respond, but Yang cut her off. "Ruby, you've always been the first one to put others' needs ahead of your own, and that's something I really admire about you. It's what makes you actually capable of being the hero you've always read about. But it's also a really bad habit. We all do the same thing, just in different ways. Do you remember that day we were training without your weapon and an Ursa attacked?" Ruby nodded. "Do you remember how you felt when I jumped in it's way to stop it from attacking you?"

Ruby tried and failed to stop her lip from trembling as she started crying again. "I was so scared that you were going to get really hurt and I felt so guilty that I wasn't able to help." She hated thinking about that day. She knew it just made the problem worse, but it was why she was still so bad at hand to hand. Everytime she tried to practice it, she remembered that day and was overcome with guilt to the point where she couldn't effectively train.

Yang hugged her tighter. "Right, well. Me jumping into an Ursa's mouth is my version of trying to put other people before myself. Do you see how that's unhealthy?"

She was quiet for a long time, trying to come up with a response. She knew the point Yang was trying to make, but it felt different for her. Eventually, she conceded "Yes," just because she couldn't think of an argument.

"You don't have to tear yourself apart for us. If fact, I would really prefer if you didn't. I know I can't actually go and beat up everything and everyone that will ever hurt you -as much as I may want to- but I still don't want one of those things that hurts you to be you. I'm always gonna be here for you, and so are the others. Please let us help when you need it."

Ruby was quiet for a few moments, and then gave a small nod. "Okay," she said in a small voice. She turned to tuck her face back between her knees and let herself lean into Yang, who continued to squeeze her tight and rub small circles into her shoulder.

Eventually, Yang nudged her. She looked up to see Yang smiling with her eyebrows raised. "So. Penny."

"Oh," Ruby groaned, closing her eyes. "If you tease me about Penny, I'm gonna tease you about Blake," she threatened.

Yang laughed. "Okay, fine. But I get to go first."

Yang started asking all sorts of questions about Penny, both about what their friendship was like at Beacon and now. She asked what Ruby thought of her new look and her new job. What it was like working with her. Ruby answered all her questions, self conscious at first, but as she talked more and more about Penny, she felt a warmth blossoming in her chest. Talking about her with Yang made her feel lighter and her mood slowly started to improve. She even laughed when Yang asked if she needed to give Penny the shovel talk. She still didn't know what all she was feeling, or how she should be thinking about any of it, but it felt so nice to just sit and talk to her sister about her crush and be a normal teenager for just a little while. There was so much left that they needed to do and address, but Ruby was going to start trying to reach out for help more when she needed to, and right now, talking to Yang was what she needed.


End file.
